Gratitude and Moving Forward with Heart
It's easy to become complacent about things. Recently I was reflecting on the beginning of my voiceover journey and how thrilling that time was for me. To land at William Morris Endeavor, to be “granted” a career after years and years and years of wishing and wanting to be able to make money from my acting…I was presented with an open door and went through it. I am eternally grateful.
But sometimes I can forget that. It's easy to take it for granted after a while, because it just becomes your every day. But when I went into my agency on Monday, after losing my voice last week, it was as if I was really seeing it all again. To have my voice back and to be present to the opportunity I have every day to swing the bat at the highest level in my industry is a true gift.
I will admit to sometimes feeling entitled in my own mind. I get inwardly cranky about auditions, feeling like I should just get jobs at this point - and sometimes I do - but the day to day is still one based on the hustle; it’s like going on multiple job interviews every day for the rest of your life. But I need to remind myself - that is the job. The gigs are the icing on the cake, as they say. My job is to audition. To bring my best, most playful self to the mic and enjoy the crap out of it. So many people never even get the chance to be in the stadium, let alone suit up and get on the field.
I guess we’re hardwired as humans to always want more. To constantly feel like:
Ok, cool, God, all that is great, but now I want…
I want. I want. I want. Buddhism says desire is the root of all suffering. Artists, especially, often have this divine dissatisfaction; it drives us to keep creating, and that is a good thing. But it runs rampant in a vacuum devoid of gratitude.
I am tired of being a whirling mess of want. I am tired of being a spoiled brat in my own mind. How dare I? I want to look around and enjoy all I already have, to allow myself to feel the joy and pride regarding that, instead of being blind to it or diminishing what’s in front of me, in favor of sprinting off in a jumble towards the next thing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more; I want so much more! But these days I’m aiming to go after it with a softer, more balanced focus, one that springs from a heart-centered gratitude, rather than one motivated from a place of lack. The addiction we have in this country to concentrating on what we don’t have, instead of seeing what we do, is played out. I’d go so far as to say it actually stunts growth, rather than promoting it.
So many people are shedding old versions of themselves and stepping out into the new. I don’t know about you, but I feel like both my feet are finally firmly planted in the new paradigm. Things are a little shaky, maybe, but I’m in; no more straddling two worlds. That I can only see a footstep or two in front of me at a time is okay. I know I’m going in the right direction. I trust it, because I feel it: my head’s not leading the way, my heart is lighting it.
PS If you’re like new paradigm...wha??? Check out this podcast I listened to yesterday. It might sound a little vague or strange at first, but I found it super resonant. Also, Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World is great. The audiobook is wonderfully narrated by my friend Heather Henderson - it really feels like you’re listening to Martha Beck herself!
One last thing. The past few weeks (err, months...let’s be honest!) have been intense. Introspective, illuminating and not always comfortable... but definitely informative, evolutionary...and ultimately, in that regard, really good. Many revelations about people, places and things that are no longer a vibrational match….Just a note, in case you need to hear this: it is okay to stop carrying these people, places and things. Let them go. They will find their own right realm.
Have a happy, stress-free, gratitude-filled holiday weekend…we’ve earned it, and we all deserve to feel happy and proud of the things we’ve built, RIGHT NOW. xo